


Travelin Man

by Labstell



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Other, Thanks to AML
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 17:57:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14242716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Labstell/pseuds/Labstell
Summary: Sam is lamenting his lack of a normal life, and a normal relationship





	Travelin Man

TRAVELIN’ MAN

 

Sam paced back and forth across the small hotel room. He was supposed to be doing research, but he was too restless. Sam didn’t mind research, but tonight he just wasn’t in the mood. 

Back and forth he went, all long legs and restless energy. Whenever he felt like this, expending energy would tire him out, allow him to sleep deep and without “the dream.” But this crappy hotel room just wasn’t doing it for him tonight. He picked up his jacket and headed out the door into the night. Dean had the Impala down at the bar. But Sam didn’t want the bar. 

He started walking down the side of the road. No streetlights in this little town, but he had his knife with him. He was quick enough if it came to that. The night was cold with his breath frosting the air. He stuck his hands in his jacket pocket, looked at the ground and just walked. 

He knew why he was restless, why he didn’t feel right. The last few nights, he had the dream. Laying down on the bed in his apartment at Stanford. Feeling the drip, drip of blood on his forehead. Opening his eyes to see Jessica, beautiful Jess, on the ceiling. Almost before he could scream, the fire burst into life, and Dean was there dragging him out of the room, away from Jess. He always woke up crying after this dream.

If only he hadn’t gone with Dean. He would have been there. He would have had enough time to save Jess. Perhaps even kill the demon. If only he had heeded the dream he had a few nights before she died. If only he had told her the truth about his life, about the family business. Maybe she would have left him, but she would have lived. So many “if onlies”

He would have given anything to have taken Jess’ place. He wouldn’t have minded dying. Sometimes, after a hunt he would wonder why they even bothered at all. So many evil things to kill. It was like they didn’t even make a dent in the population of monsters. If he was going to risk his life hunt after hunt, why couldn’t he have risked it to save Jess?

So many nights he laid awake in bed trying to figure out how to tell Dean he was quitting. That he just couldn’t do another hunt. That he wanted to have a normal life. But he knew the answer to that. Even if they both quit, they would never have a normal life. They had pissed off too many things. The evil would come looking for them, and then he would be putting innocent people in danger. He wanted to quit. God, how he wanted to quit!! To go back to the beginning. To grow up in a normal family, with a Mom and Dad that had no idea that all the things that went bump in the night were real. To be blissfully ignorant.

Sam started to look up to see how far he had walked, when he caught a movement out of the corner of his eye. He jumped back into a fighting stance, pulling his knife out of his jacket at the same time, adrenaline pumping. Then he lowered the knife. In front of him was Castiel. 

“Cas, you scared the crap out of me!” Sam said angrily. Then he sighed. “What’s up?”

Castiel took a step towards Sam. He knew about personal space, but this time it was necessary. 

“Sam. You look terrible. You aren’t sleeping or eating. I can feel the conflict and sadness within you. I want to help.”

“Did Dean send you?” Sam asked, his face darkening. Sometimes he felt that Dean was watching him too closely. 

“I have not spoken with Dean. He did not send me. I truly felt your distress. Dean and I may have a more profound bond, but I was sent to Earth to help you too. Please tell me how I can help.”

Sam put his knife away. “Can you turn back time for me Cas?”

“Making changes to the time space continuum poses great danger for your world. The changes would effect a great many people, not just yourself.”

“I know.” Sam said, running his hands through his long hair. He started pacing again, forcing Castiel to walk back and forth with him. Finally he spoke. 

“I’m tired Cas. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of trying to save the world. It feels like the only ones who are fighting are me and Dean. I’m tired of doing research. I’m tired of riding endless hours from town to town. I’m tired of crappy motel rooms and crappy diner food. I’m tired of fighting and bleeding. I’m tired of never having a relationship, because why bother? Everyone I love would be in danger. Danger that is all my fault. I tried to have a normal life and look what happened. Jess died. Because of me. I should have protected her. But I didn‘t. “

Sam stopped walking. His shoulders drooped and his hands hung limply by his side. He looked at the ground, and he felt like he didn’t even have the strength or willpower to hold his head up. 

“I miss Jess so much.” he whispered. Silent tears started running down his cheeks. 

“Sam.” Castiel said. When Sam raised his head, Castiel reached out and gently touched his forehead. Castiel caught him as he fell, and the two of them disappeared. 

* * *

Dean and Castiel stood at the end of the bed, watching Sam sleep. 

“I can heal his depression” Castiel said “but I do not know what adverse effects that would cause.”

Dean looked toward Castiel. “Thanks Cas, but no. I’d like to try and help Sam through this myself. Maybe we need to take a break, have some fun. Hell, maybe he just needs to get laid.”

Castiel smiled. “very well. Call me if you need further assistance.”

Dean gripped Castiel’s arm. “You aren’t staying?”

Castiel placed his hand over Deans caressing it softly with his fingers. “I’m sorry Dean, but no. I am needed elsewhere. Sam will sleep for a long time anyway.” 

The room was silent as they looked at each other, hand in hand. Memorizing each other.

Castiel spoke softly. “I will come if you need me.”

And suddenly Dean was alone. “Damn it Sam.” he said softly. “I didn’t realize how bad it was for you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Dean undressed, down to his boxers and crawled into bed with Sam. He moved close, pressing his body to Sam’s. When Sam was little, sometimes this was the only way he could sleep. Sam made a sound of distress in his sleep, and Dean wrapped his arm around Sam’s stomach. 

“Shhh Sammy. I’m here. I’ll always he here.”

 

Inspired by Travelin’ Man, by Bob Seger

 

Up with the sun, gone with the wind  
She always said I was lazy  
Leaving my home, leaving my friends  
Running when things get too crazy  
Out to the road, out ‘neath the stars  
Feeling the breeze, passing the cars

Women have come, women have gone  
Everyone trying to cage me  
Some were so sweet, I barely got free  
Others, they only enraged me  
I feel the traces they’ve left on my soul

Travelin’ man, love when I can  
Turn loose my hand cuz I’m goin  
Travelin’ man, love when I can  
Cuz sooner or later I’m going

April 6, 2018


End file.
